Tuesday, August 6, 2013


No, we're not selling them. We wouldn't for many reasons, including not wanting to look like trinket-selling hucksters like Bill O'Reilly and, in fact, Obama. But we're going to show you how you can very quickly and easily do this for yourself.

Imagine this: it's nearing the end of summer but many beaches are sweltering from the heat of the sun and that of the reflected body heat of hundreds of thousands amassing closely in an effort to get cool. Down along the beach, carried perpendicular to the line of the ocean and quickly working inland are perhaps 100 colorful balloons. They have messages on them, but who cares, really, because while such promotions are not at all common - you may never have seen one - probably hasn't been much done -  it somehow just the same doesn't feel unusual in the carnival-like atmosphere of red and white peppermint stripes bleached pale by years of baking under the light and greasy wax paper containing greasier hamburgers. But suddenly someone shouts out loudly, "Obama's birth certificate is fake?!"

And another person calls out, "This one says, "Obama free the Benghazi witnesses!"

"No, you guys, they say both! (laughs loud and with some sense of ironic glee)"

"What's that they said, Martha? My hearing aid isn't working too good!"


"What do they mean "Free the Benghazi Witnesses?!"

"Obama's a fuck, man! Don't you know? The guys who saw the killings there are being silenced!  I saw it on CNN!"

"Oh my God!"

"Mommy, why does president Obama have a fake birth cerfilificate?"

"I don't know dear."

"Is it true?"

"Dude! Check out this report on my droid! It fucking IS true, Dude!"




Panic-stricken angry-type liberals move fast to destroy the evil balloons, their minds electrified by the sudden
 impulse to destroy anything which is contrary to their world view, an impulse brainwashed into them to act thus when confronted by anything designed and put into action by political conservatives. But destroying the balloons cannot be done. One, maybe two are caught, but you can't throw anything at them for fear of hurting someone and the balloons themselves float just out of reach, and somehow dodge and jump evasively with the wind. In half an hour the majority of 5 thousand people are discussing two things: Benghazi and Obama's fake birth certificate. By the time kids have messaged and called and chat roomed their friends, 100,000's are talking, at least briefly, about it, though for many, the discussion will continue for days. Even months.

6 days later maybe 50 people on the beach that day see a small article in a paper, or someone mentions, that in Everyville balloons were  seen floating down main street - only maybe a dozen, but there they were. Everyville?! That's 25 miles away and seen 5 days after they saw it on the beach! Those balloons can't possibly be the same balloons, travelling all that way and all that time, spreading the messages to millions?!

Oh yes it can, and yes they are. because there is something called "Hi-float" you can get for five bucks that extends the floating life of balloons for TWO WEEKS and more (Up to 25 times longer!).


Floating without a string at approximately 10 feet off the ground - close enough to read, too far for liberals to grab and destroy. Photo courtesy a rural-based Tea Party Fire Ant 

Imagine the same thing happens in Texas and a week later they are still Moving, now into Maryland. Released in Ohio, a week later they're moving off the coast of Massachusetts

While the currents vary considerably, as everyone knows the U.S. jet stream generally runs west to east, often turning sharply north and up long the coast as they near the east coast and hit conflicting air masses which turn them northward.

You can even track your free-floating "TPFA Media Beaters" via the weather channel online and get a general idea of where you little army is likely to be days, even weeks, later. of course, here and on Twitter, if anyone spots your floating soldiers of truth, they say something and hopefully take and post a picture. If "Where's George" is fun enough for millions of people, surely this must beat it by a mile!

Sound like a great and fun investment for truth? I think so.

Cutting to the chase, here's how you do it: 

1. Choose the message. As always, we recommend


2. Order the balloons. If you can wait a week instead of rush delivery, you can get them pretty inexpensively. We recommend, for no particular reason except quality and price, link --> BALLOONS TOMORROW where custom-printed 12-inch balloons can be had for as little as 19 cents for a large run. Admittedly 100 balloons will set you back &89.00, and with a helium tank, the investment will be over $100 bucks. Those on a fixed income may have to bow out, but with a luck many others won't. Google "Custom balloons" for more choice.   

3. Helium kits can be had at Party city for around $40.00 or party city can blow them up for you. However, not all Party Cities are created equally, apparently  It really depends on the manager. Our TPFA boots on the ground on this reported one place that refused completely on ideological grounds and another who couldn't wait because the manager can't stand Obama, being the two extremes. The others were kinda in the middle and no problem.

4. The process:

A. Order ballons, get them.

B. Apply Hi-Float to the inside of the balloon and rub it around - it creates a coating which prevents the air/helium from escaping so fast through the porous rubber and keeps the balloons afloat a LONG time. Test balloons being tried by a couple of TPFA are still floating full days later.

C. The genius of this is that the balloons float low, near the ground. Uniformly, the info we are getting is that the ideal mix is 80% air, 20% helium. Your message is no good at 20,000 feet. 80% air / 20% helium makes them slowly see-saw between 6 - 10 feet off the ground for, so far, days, with Hi-Float. *IMPORTANT* some Party city helium tanks are already 60%/40%. The air must be put in first and then the helium included after that. It sounds complicated but it's really very, very easy.

D. Release only the number per day allowed by your state's law. Most have no restrictions but a few do. You can read them HERE.

Balloon Release Laws:
    10+ balloons
    Connecticut (1990)
    Florida (1990)

    25+ balloons
    Tennessee (1990)
    California (1990) 

    50+ balloons
    Virginia (1991)
    Hawaii (2)
    Massachusetts (1)
    New Jersey (1)
    New York (1)
    Pennsylvania (1)
    Washington (1)
    Wisconsin (1)
    Massachusetts (1)
    New York (1)
    Massachusetts (2)
    New York (1)
    Massachusetts (2)
    New Jersey (2)
    New York (1)

Even if you live in a restricted state, with Hi-Fly extending the life of the balloons so dramatically, you can release the minimum number one day, the next batch the next and so on.

C. Choosing a day when there is an event is good, but don;t let over-planning result in paralysis by analysis. If you aren't sure of an event to crash, just let them go on a sunny day. They'll travel for a week or two, so if you are in suburbs  or near a small town, in a city, etc, they will reach a larger population - and probably many - no matter when you do it or where.

Send us your pics and we'll post them here! Summer is winding down & libs will begin figuring out ways to beat this, so ACT NOW!

Hypothetical Photoshop example: KIDS LOVE BALLOONS and get a civics lesson at the same time. Raise your kids to be patriots!




No comments:

Post a Comment